Moved to Tears

I just finished reading the latest post on www.mycharmingkids.net to Brad and I am in tears, Sweet Stellan is facing a very risky ablation and due to his grave condition they are moving it up, originally scheduled for Tuesday, the Doctors in Boston are shuffling things around to get him into the OR as soon as possible. Stellan's Mom, Jennifer has faith that moves me, moves me to tears. Her words are impressive and real and they move me to tears. Through my tears I looked at Brad and said, I hope that if I ever have to face anything like this that I am given time to find that type of faith. I don't have it now, and I am ashamed to admit it, but at times I find it embarrassing, and even a little cheesy, but right now I admire the faith that she feels in her heart, and I am jealous that she can find peace in this dire situation, but ever so thankful that she does.

I don't think I have shared this story before, but when Avery was first admitted to the NICU, a few short hours after she gasped for her first breath, I was freaked out, scared of what I didn't know. Brad's Parents were the last ones to leave for the night, I was in bed, (heck, I had just given birth) Brad was sitting with me, I had tears in my eyes, but as soon as they said their goodbyes and headed out the door, I lost it. Full on sobbing. I was terrified, scared that something was seriously wrong with my sweet baby girl, scared that I might never hold her again, scared that despite kissing her goodbye, I hadn't been very nice to her, I pushed her away, shooed her off to get checked out, yes, because I was worried and knew something was wrong, but still...and while most of the time I don't regret rushing the moments I had with her right after birth a part of me wishes I could have held her just a few minutes longer to take in the moment, to get a family photograph taken.

So Brad and I were laying in the hospital bed, I was sobbing and his Mom walked back in the door, tears in her eyes, and asked if they could pray with us. It was exactly what I needed in that moment, how she knew, I don't know, but I will forever be grateful that she came back that night and prayed for Avery with us. And a few days after we all got home from the hospital we received a Prayer Gram in the mail, Brad's Parent's Church all signed it and wrote us a sweet note, they kept us close during those first few days of Avery's life. Its that type of faith I need everyday, why I don't, I don't know, but I wish I had it. I read these blogs, of these uber religious women and their strength and faith move me to tears on a daily basis, they are kind, and they make me want to be a better person. Sure, there are times I think they are a bit over the top, but the message is clear, and the message is simple...faith is good and it gets you through tough times.