Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Double Limeade Day...

So if you are just now reading this, skip ahead and read this post first so you can catch up.

So like you read, I had planned to leave Olivia with Molly while Avery, Riley and I went to visit Dr. Lauren (Riley's Vet), well I mentioned my plan to Olivia after picking her up at school around 4pm and to say that she was less than thrilled with the idea of being left behind would probably be an understatment, I mean the child was downright adament about accompaning us to the vet, she was not about to left behind. Between you and me, I think she knew it was going to be one for the books and she just didn't want to miss out on the action, she's no dummy.

I called Molly, told her about the change of plans and off to Dr. Lauren's we went. We arrive as the clock in the Yukon is just turning 4:27pm, 3 minutes to spare, not too shabby Leigh Turner. This is where it gets you have the popcorn? A diet cherry coke handy? You won't want to miss this...

4:27pm - Get out of the Yukon and realize that my behind has been sweating in the leather seats and now my grey knit dress has a wet butt print on it, awesome.

4:27 and a half pm - Get Olivia out of the Yukon and ask her to go stand on the sidewalk, God Bless Her, she listened.

4:28pm - Go get Avery out of the Yukon and grab Riley's leash

4:28 and 21 seconds - Open the back of the Yukon, only to find that Riley has thrown up not once, not twice, but THREE times, just missing a dress I have back there (no idea why its back there, and clearly not smart on my part) by a hair.  At this point, I look up at the sky, a 27lb almost 16 month old on my hip and I say outloud. "Really? Really?" and just hook his leash on, he jumps down, and off we go.

4:29pm - Riley poops or pees out of his butt, however you would like to picture it, it was nasty right on the front lawn of the vets...which by the way sounds like its just adding to my perfect day, but in reality this is a ritual for him, he is a nervous pooper, usually its poop in the car not puke.

4:30pm - We ALL make our way into the vets office only to find 3 other dogs in the waiting room.  Awesome, please make us wait, because I have all the time in the world and not to mention time, I have all the patience in the world too...and clearly my two children, two and under do too.

They finally take us back after about 7-10 minutes...Riley wigs out, starts bucking and bronking, the "Vet Tech" yells "Assistance in Exam Room 4 Please", I felt like saying "Assistance in my everyday life please", but I held back, looking back I should have just let it rip.

Dr. Lauren does her thing, checks out his broken ears, tells me that he needs to wear the cone, needs to be on a crazy amount of medicine and then releases his anal glands while the three of us are in the room, I almost puked on the spot. WOOF. I should mention that during all this, we have some downtime for her to run some tests and wait for labs to come back, so all in all, the appointment took about an hour and only sucked up about 1 semester of the girls college tuition.

Holy cow, how could I forget...right before they take care of his anal gland issue Olivia looks at me and says "Mom, I have to POOOOOOOOP". Awesome. Get it girl, poop it up. So at this point the room smells like death warmed over. GET ME OUT OF THERE, and with a quickness.

So we are all back in the odorous Yukon, Olivia with a diaper full of poop because the only place to lay her down is now covered with Riley's Puke...Riley's Puke, a old, stale swim diaper that clearly had been peed in (don't ask, I didn't see it before). At this point, the only thing on my mind is whether I am going to get a Route 44 or a Large Strawberry Limeade from Sonic, and again, I consider spiking it, but this time, with vodka.

I talk to my Mom, she suggests I run through the McDonald's Drive Thru and grab the girls dinner, genius idea, and I totally wouldn't have thought of it on my own. Oh and did I mention that Dr. Lauren wants me to start feeding Riley a mixture of Barley and Cottage Cheese through the weekend...I asked her where one would procure some Barley, because I could just see the whole brood of us making our way into Southern States and trapsing up and down the grain aisle looking for his new diet. But she calmed my fears and said "Near the Rice, Martin's or Kroger should have it". Okay, but that also means a trip to the grocery store...which clearly isn't going to happen today.

So McDonald's goes well, the girls enjoy their dinner in peace in their respective chairs, Riley stalks Avery's high-chair for fallen soldiers he can scarf up and all is now right with the world.  I call Molly, ask her to please come over, bring that darling child of hers so that I can step outside and clean up the puke stained Yukon without taking the girls outside in the 114 degree heat. Being the amazing neighbor and friend she is, she comes right on over, just in time to witness Avery stab herself in the eye, not once, but twice with a knife that she managed to pull down from the middle of the dinner table. So I hear her scream, go running and her eye is bleeding and already starting to swell....I almost lost it. Who stabs themselves in the eye with a knife, and if they do it, who does it again? Clearly...Avery. So she is crying and I mean REALLY crying. Poor Molly and Campbell, they had to witness a lot of tears and it was L-O-U-D. Olivia got in on the action and threw her own fit. I got a few minutes of peace and quiet by bringing the girls outside on the deck. Avery stared in a wet t-shirt contest by dumping a bucket of water from the water table down the front of her (and she was wearing a white shirt, so it was perfect) and then it Yup, you read that right, he threw up on my foot. Again, I looked to the skies and said "Really? Really?".

Avery then kicked it into overdrive and the tears just kept on coming. She cried through her bath and finally calmed down around 7:45pm just in time to watch some Diego while she chowed down on some Fruit Snacks, great for her teeth, I know. It was about this time that the heavens opened up and God sent down an angel...YaYa. She will be here tomorrow at 11:07am. What would I do without my Mommy? I mean really, how much can one girl take? In all seriousness, I tried to talk her out of it, but she had made up her mind.

So here I am, sitting on the couch with Riley, its now 9:15pm, Olivia has been in bed since 8:42pm and as I close out this post all I can think about is how my sheets are going to feel in about 45 seconds when I hit the hay. It was, like I said, a Double Limeade Day for sure...

Goals for Tomorrow:
Pick up YaYa at the airport
Procure Barley & Cottage Cheese for Riley
Procure Milk for the girls
Prevent my youngest child from stabbing out her other eyeball and last but not least....solve World Hunger.


Jeni said...

Oh my goodness Leigh. I hope you got to drink a spiked something last night. It was wine Wednesdays right? Lots of hugs your way. Today can only be better.

Kearstin said...

I hope your days get easier and easier! However, you are producing solid entertainment for us in MA. We catch ourselves laughing out loud ;)