How am I?

I had lunch with one of my bestest friends yesterday at one of our favorite spots, you might have heard of it....Target.  They have delicious bread sticks and the Diet Coke is always cold. And Susan asked me how I was doing with Olivia starting school, everyone always asks how Olivia is handling it, and if she is ready? But my always thoughtful and kind friend Susan asked me how I was preparing and how I was handling it - and I had no intention of lying to her and in fact in the moment didn't really give it a second though, I was doing a-okay and the only things on my mind were the logistical things like how our schedule needs to adjust and what to pack her for lunch so she isn't starving (I should worry about Liv, packing lunch for Avery in a few years will be another story), and making sure our evenings are relaxing for her since I know from experience she will be a tired little beauty.

BUT, despite my intentions to be honest, after some additional thought, after scouring the Jacobs Road PTA Calendar (holla, I was beyond excited to stumble upon that, and you better believe I already wrote down all the events in my planner - it was like Christmas in late August) and joining the PTA Facebook page it started to become more real to me - that these conversations and events were now a part of my life.  I no longer had "toddlers and pre-schoolers", I now have a school-aged child - and for some reason I hadn't really thought about it that way.  It is amazing how much freedom you really have when your kids attendance at school isn't tracked, when you don't worry about a nasty gram from their teachers if you take a lot of vacation or you want to keep them home because you need extra snuggles or their grandparents can keep them for a few days, but all of that flexibility goes away now.  We are chained to the school calendar, and of course all the days off and holidays have been in my Planner for months, but its all becoming more real.

So how am I?

I am excited for Olivia - this is a big step, starting school, how could I not be excited for her?

I am nervous for Olivia - I am nervous the teacher won't be gentle and warm like Ms. Leslie, and Olivia is used to that, I am nervous that she won't get the best teacher, I am nervous she will be so shy, and won't ask for help when she needs it, I am nervous she will get in trouble for being a chatty Cathy (she gets that from me).

I am hopeful for Olivia - being away from Avery is going to be good for Olivia - they spent a ton of time together during the day and they need their own time, I am hopeful she is going to find her way on her own, make her own friends, love school, learn new skills, etc.

I am so proud of Olivia - she works so hard, she loves school and loves to learn, I am so proud of the way she approaches learning, how she dives right in, she gets that from Brad.

I am anxious for Olivia - will she get lost? Will someone be there to help her find the bathroom if she has to go? Will she make a new best friend? Will I like her group of friends?

I am a little sad for Olivia - not many of her pre-school friends are joining her at Jacob's Road, so in some ways she is not only starting a new phase of her life, she could be saying goodbye to her first real group of friends and may never see them again - that makes me sad for her.

I am worried, I am a bit sad and sometimes I just wish I could stop time and keep her 5 years old forever, and then of course she rolls her eyes at me, talks back or throws herself on the floor in a fit and I think, okay, time, keep on ticking. Now I still have all the logistical things swirling around in my head, how do we fit it all in, how do I figure out the routine when Brad is traveling? How does Brad handle the routing when I am traveling? How do we keep Avery busy while doing homework with Olivia and making them both feel loved when there is only one Parent home to help...those are the things I am worried about, but 2 weeks from today it all begins and we will figure it out the best way we know how, and you bet your bottom dollar we will be sending a few prayers up.