The best I can be?

I wake up every morning with the goal of being the best Mom I can be, every once in a while I want to high-five myself, but that is rare, most days I find myself falling short, and some days I just shake my head with shame. Being a Mom is hard. I wish I could throw some fancy words into that sentence to make it sound more profound and intelligent, but the plain and simple fact is, that motherhood, while rewarding and aw-inspiring, is very difficult. 

Making brownies Friday night

I adore my children, I would take a bullet for my girls, but in the moment those tender, motherly instinct like emotions don't stop me from raising my voice and losing my patience with my beauties. I wish I had more restraint, sometimes I do, sometimes I have more than others, and the last week or so has been a constant test of my ability to take a deep breath and parent with grace.  I have failed.  The last week I have snapped far too quickly, screamed, not just raised my voice, but screamed at the girls far too often, and the guilt after is enough to sink a ship. (Side Note: It doesn't even phase them, they don't even react.  Doesn't that strike you as odd?)   I do not like to be that Mommy, I want to be a sweet, patient, kind Mommy, not one that loses her mind with every misbehavior.  I can feel my patience going, I know when I have it and when I don't.  When I am short on sleep, I usually find myself short on patience.  When I don't feel well, patience isn't even on my radar. 

Brad is out of town with his Fraternity Brothers.  They are playing in the Mike Stolarcyk Memorial Golf Tournament in Upstate NY.  I am so proud of him for going and so thankful he is creating some lasting memories with his college buddies, I know they are all wishing Mike was there to share in those memories, but never the less, I am proud of them for supporting Mike, his family and of course his memory.

Reese's Peanut Butter Chips on one side - yum!



I had such high hopes for this weekend. I wanted to take the girls shopping, paint their nails, go to dinner and breakfast, and maybe even Stony Point to play in the fountains, but instead I have:

Mad Scientist Guy from Jacob's Birthday Party

*Bought a spool of twine for $3.99 because Olivia decided it would be a good idea to destroy the package and rip the wrapper off inside the Hobby Lobby.

*Bought Dora Cupcake Wrappers, also for $3.99 because Avery opened up the package and took them out inside the Hobby Lobby

Note to Self: Never go into the Hobby Lobby with your children again, their carts are far too small for children and therefore they run around like wild boars.

*Put Avery in timeout for the same offense 14 times, because every time I would put her down, she would scoot out of timeout and across the floor.

*On several occasions grabbed my children's ears (not with force) and asked them "are these things on?" 

*Done the "poop-poop in the potty" dance routine in public, because Avery picked this weekend to work on Potty Training herself.  I love making a big deal over potty training, their reaction to my excitement is priceless, she is so proud of herself after she sees how happy I am - I love that feeling.

I know they are young, I get it.  Things aren't always going to go as planned. I hope they know that despite my less than Mom of the Year moments, I love them more than peanut butter loves jelly, more than Riley loves popcorn, and more than sand between my toes.  Olivia will say "But you still love me" after I have fussed at her, I hope she believes that!

I can't imagine my days without them, tomorrow I am going to do my best to show them that I mean it!