Saturday, July 9, 2011

The best I can be?

I wake up every morning with the goal of being the best Mom I can be, every once in a while I want to high-five myself, but that is rare, most days I find myself falling short, and some days I just shake my head with shame. Being a Mom is hard. I wish I could throw some fancy words into that sentence to make it sound more profound and intelligent, but the plain and simple fact is, that motherhood, while rewarding and aw-inspiring, is very difficult. 

Making brownies Friday night
I adore my children, I would take a bullet for my girls, but in the moment those tender, motherly instinct like emotions don't stop me from raising my voice and losing my patience with my beauties. I wish I had more restraint, sometimes I do, sometimes I have more than others, and the last week or so has been a constant test of my ability to take a deep breath and parent with grace.  I have failed.  The last week I have snapped far too quickly, screamed, not just raised my voice, but screamed at the girls far too often, and the guilt after is enough to sink a ship. (Side Note: It doesn't even phase them, they don't even react.  Doesn't that strike you as odd?)   I do not like to be that Mommy, I want to be a sweet, patient, kind Mommy, not one that loses her mind with every misbehavior.  I can feel my patience going, I know when I have it and when I don't.  When I am short on sleep, I usually find myself short on patience.  When I don't feel well, patience isn't even on my radar. 

Brad is out of town with his Fraternity Brothers.  They are playing in the Mike Stolarcyk Memorial Golf Tournament in Upstate NY.  I am so proud of him for going and so thankful he is creating some lasting memories with his college buddies, I know they are all wishing Mike was there to share in those memories, but never the less, I am proud of them for supporting Mike, his family and of course his memory.

Reese's Peanut Butter Chips on one side - yum!

I had such high hopes for this weekend. I wanted to take the girls shopping, paint their nails, go to dinner and breakfast, and maybe even Stony Point to play in the fountains, but instead I have:

Mad Scientist Guy from Jacob's Birthday Party

*Bought a spool of twine for $3.99 because Olivia decided it would be a good idea to destroy the package and rip the wrapper off inside the Hobby Lobby.

*Bought Dora Cupcake Wrappers, also for $3.99 because Avery opened up the package and took them out inside the Hobby Lobby

Note to Self: Never go into the Hobby Lobby with your children again, their carts are far too small for children and therefore they run around like wild boars.

*Put Avery in timeout for the same offense 14 times, because every time I would put her down, she would scoot out of timeout and across the floor.

*On several occasions grabbed my children's ears (not with force) and asked them "are these things on?" 

*Done the "poop-poop in the potty" dance routine in public, because Avery picked this weekend to work on Potty Training herself.  I love making a big deal over potty training, their reaction to my excitement is priceless, she is so proud of herself after she sees how happy I am - I love that feeling.

I know they are young, I get it.  Things aren't always going to go as planned. I hope they know that despite my less than Mom of the Year moments, I love them more than peanut butter loves jelly, more than Riley loves popcorn, and more than sand between my toes.  Olivia will say "But you still love me" after I have fussed at her, I hope she believes that!

I can't imagine my days without them, tomorrow I am going to do my best to show them that I mean it! 


3guysandagirl said...

NickJr has a saying that comes on during the "commercials", "we're not perfect, we're parents". Logan actually listens to it. I say it to him ALL the time. Especially on those not-so-proud of myself days. I scream, I yell. It gets the best of us. We're constantly working on it. Your girls will get it. Just tell 'em, "I'm not perfect, I'm a parent." It's absolutely rewarding and horrifically hard at times. You're not alone.

Kearstin said...

This has to be my favorite post you've already wrote - I am going to blog about it tomorrow. It is so real and for some many of us moms, true! It happens to the best of us girl! Don't be discouraged, you're an amazing Mom and those little girls adore you :)