It almost doesn't seem fair, that our lives just go on after something so tragic and so sudden stops you in your tracks. I'm not going to lie, for a few days I couldn't shake that numb feeling, then it went into sadness and heartache, and while I was at home there were lots of tears, but also a lot of laughs, and now that I am back in the swing of things here I am feeling a little worse for wear. The first few days back in Richmond, I had a hard time getting out of bed, and found myself crawling back into bed as soon as the girls were down for the night. I felt so bad that my life here was just going on as though nothing had happened back home, and I felt so guilty for leaving my dear friends grieving for their lost loved one, I felt like there was more I should be doing, that it wasn't right for me to be playing outside with my girls and devouring Turkey Club Supermelts from Friendly's (clearly not a part of my Operation Bridesmaids dress action plan).
But then I stop and think about what Jill would have wanted, what something like this should teach us, and I am ashamed of myself. I should be living life to the fullest, taking it all in, being the best Mom,Wife, Friend, Daughter I can be, all the things that I know she would give anything for a chance to do for just one more day. As a man much smarter than me said, I need to take this mess and make it a message, take this test and make a testamony out of it...
I do hold the girls extra close for several extra moments at night before I give them their goodnight kiss and I am forever grateful that I brought Avery along for the trip to Northfield, just being able to snatch her up and snuggle her close was therapy beyond words.
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