Forgiveness

It's an amazing thing isn't it? I mean no one is perfect, so why play it off like we are, and that we don't ever need to be forgiven for something, I mean really? Why on God's green Earth do we do that? And honestly folks, we (and by we, I mean I) do it a lot, and I am not proud of it.

I have said several times that I am not cut out to be a stay at home Mom, and generally speaking by the time Friday hits and the weekend is upon us I am thanking my lucky stars to have that extra weekend time with my darling offspring, but for some reason this weekend that was not the case, and I would have sold Olivia to the highest bidder, correction, I would have sold her to any bidder. And in normal weather conditions I would have summoned my parents to check their doorstep and off she would have gone in a box, with breathing holes of course...all kidding aside, being cooped up with her was NOT good for our relationship, but like I said earlier, forgiveness is amazing. And kids really knock it out of the park when they forgive, none of this half-ass-forgivness stuff, they do it and they do it big. I am jealous of their capacity to forgive in such a big way. So let me get down to it, what the heck am I talking about? Well, like I mentioned, I didn't have a good Olivia weekend, she was on my last nerve, our conversations went a little something like this:

Olivia - "I want more Mac n Cheese"

Me - "Olivia, darling, sweetie, cupcake, you have more in your bowl, if you finish that I will get you some more"

Olivia - "No! I don't waaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnntttttttt that"

Me - "Then what do you want honey?"

Olivia - "Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy-eeeeeeeeeeeeee wannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt Mac n Cheese" (can you hear her whining yet?)

Olivia - "I want some water"

Me - "What do you say?"

Olivia "I want some water please"

Me - "Okay, here you go"

Olivia "Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, I wannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt Milk"

Me - "You just said you wanted water, and I just got you water, so here is your water" - if you are looking for the patience in my voice, its long gone...

Olivia - "I don't wannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt water, I wannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnttttttttttttttttt my milllllllllllllllllllllllkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkyyyyyyyyyy"

It was non-stop, all weekend, impossible to please her and to top it off, you couldn't understand a lick of what was spewing from her mouth because she was whining her little face off, it was painful. This behavior started about a week ago, but it was extra nightmare-ish over the weekend, and I chalked it up to her not feeling well and just being irritable, and that might be what it is, but honestly, that rationalization doesn't help me in the patience department. I feel bad, don't get me wrong, I hate myself for losing my patience with her, I would do anything to just take it all in stride and not want to scream at my darling 2 year old, but this weekend I was anything BUT patient.

And you know what, every single night when it was time for bed, she tucked her head into my shoulder, snuggled in real tight, told me she loved me, and asked me to rock her just a little longer in the glider. How is that for forgiveness? She felt the lack of patience wrath of me all weekend, around each and every turn I was making her life miserable and she didn't seem to care, she let it roll right off her shoulder and she showed me in her own way that everything was going to be okay, and that she still loved me. Impressive isn't it? Now, why in the world can I not do that? I do it with her, and I did it with her again tonight, but I sure as heck can't do that with Brad, I hold onto those grudges like its my j-o-b, again, not a proud moment in the life of Leigh G Turner, but its truth, and truth be told, I wish I could forgive like my darling two year old.

I wish I could say I corrected this incredulous behavior tonight and was patient and kind to my sweet first born, but ya know what, that would be a big fat lie, I wasn't, I even had a grown up conversation with her about why she was being so annoying, and this is how it ended:

Me - "Do you understand what you are saying? You aren't making sense"

Olivia - "No"

That about sums it up folks. BUT I am proud to say that bedtime was peaceful and full of snuggles and didn't lack in the "I love you" department either, so she managed to do her thing and forgive her Momma all over again and I am going to do my best to turn on the patience tomorrow morning when her smiling face wakes up and turns on the whine...I mean the charm.